11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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