the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
