me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
