So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
