I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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