You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
