it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
