"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
