I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
