I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
