this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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