There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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