I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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