oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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