respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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