I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
