I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
