there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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