i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
4 words: hood of his car
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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