I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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