I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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