he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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