grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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