just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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