I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize