what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
