She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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