her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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