my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
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TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
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Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
do nipples grow back?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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