if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
