last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
