Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
