just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
