Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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