hotel room ftw
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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