my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
