I am puke
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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