The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
