just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
