A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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