you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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