I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
