I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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