Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
