I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
