Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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