Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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