i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
