I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
