I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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