I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
