Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
