she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Betty ford says i'm here all night
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize