I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
