I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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