and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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