At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
