break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
