I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
