pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
