I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
