how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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