Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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