i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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