ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
