I just made out with a guy for $7.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
