come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
