i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Everything about him screamed your future.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
