thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
