I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
