Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
