Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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