I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
