Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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