Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm passing your future prison.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
