Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Small penises have feelings too.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
